das oath

I [state your name here],

Do hereby swear off using my impressive-albiet-limited musical knowledge to impress, intimidate or influence friends, family, acquantances, employers, co-workers, prospective employers and prospective sexual partners.

I realize that erecting a mental depository for history, detritus, ephemera, rumors, urban legends, apocrypha, liner note musings and cryptology was a defense mechanism acquired in adolescence from being [pick one or more] unpopular/fat/uncoordinated/pimply/ awkward/socially maladjusted.

I realize that, at the time, identifying with musical artists was an easy and reletively acceptable form of escapism. I realize that being able to intellectualize my quasi-rebellious obsession with [pick one or more] punk/alt-rock/metal/rap, was a way to forge a personality and justify my leanings. This helped me feel "validated" when people made me feel worthless.

Now that I am an adult, my well-honed habits of hermetic absorption and intellectual browbeating serve me no purpose. I have met many people who enjoy my company because of the quality of my character, not because of the entertaining ways I spout trivia factoids... and certainly not for the depths of my ability to deride things in clever ways. I am currently employed because of my strong work ethic and pleasant demeanor, not because of my judgemental nature and/or the number of records that I own. I have had, at the very least, an adequate number of sexual experiences.

I was so much older then. I'm younger than that now.


Blogger cuff said...

Your blog's subtitle is a mudhoney ref. I feel like I know you already...

10:37 AM  
Blogger Christopher R. Weingarten said...

Here's the short version:

Likes: Public Enemy, egg foo young, David Foster Wallace, zombie movies, myself.

Hates: Aqua Teen Hunger Force, ironic hip-hop, organized religion, alcohol, myself

5:26 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

akshully, dude, you _are_ employed "because of (your) judgemental nature and/or the number of records that (you) own." so THERE.

also, i spoke w/ DF Wallace today. he said to me "we're the only two people who are going to know this." i felt like i was at the prom or something.

11:39 PM  
Blogger Christopher R. Weingarten said...

Dammit, Marie, stop getting in the way of my therapy!

What would prom w/ DFW be like?(1)

(1) Like this, probably.

12:51 AM  
Blogger Stacia said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:17 PM  
Blogger Stacia said...

Wake me up when it's time to denounce all the talk therapy in favor of straight up electro-shock. I wanna know what you'd ask your doctor to play during the treatments.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

omg, prom w/ DFW? first, he would dress inappropriately in some way, but i would be cool with that(1). he would have to pick me up in his car, because i didn't drive when i was in HS. i would be dressed "vintage" ala molly ringwald, but not in pink. we would listen to the B52s in the car(2) and stop at the liquor store for some jack and coke. we would both smoke alot so we could avoid thinking about kissing. we would talk about metaphysics(3) and solipsism.(3a)

After we finish the pint, we go to the prom and make fun of everyone. we also throw things at each other. later, we go out with a big group of malcontents for a drunken disco breakfast.(4)

1. two friends of mine have told me stories about their dates getting angry about their choice of sock color for the prom.
2. this would be 1980
3. in the Jung/Gurdjieff/Ouspensky sense, not in the "this is your great aunt Tilly from beyond" sense.
3a. when i was 15, I was very into the "whole universe is in my head!" mindtrip. finally i decided i wasn't that smart.
4. man, i miss the drunken disco breakfast.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Christopher R. Weingarten said...

Electroshock playlist!
*Brian Eno - Ambient 1: Music For Airports
*Sabres - Spectre
*Deathprod - Morals And Dogma
*Tim Hecker - Mirages

12:41 PM  

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