vma sumac

7: 30: The Video Music Awards is always filmed on film instead of videotape. It feels like mom telling her goth daughter to please not wear the corset just on Christmas Eve since gramma would get a case of the howling fantods.

8:00: Green Day must seriously be hurting for those Lookout! royalties if they have to dress like AFI. I sure hope Gogol Bordello breaks huge next year, ’cause I wanna see Billie Joe rocking a Cossack hat.

8:25: Susie just told the best Beavis And Butthead joke of the night. When the steel drummers came out for Ludicris’s It’s A Small World Fiasco, she says, “Uh oh… here comes Big A Little A”

8:36: Those Acuvue eyeballs in the white suits are gunning for a cease and desist order. I don't think the "Act Of Being Polite" covers trademark infringement.

9:01: “Please welcome the one and only Usher.” How did everyone find their seats?

9:10: Seeing R. Kelly play two gay men, with seamless transitions between the topper and the bottomer, was the most transcendent piece of theater I’ve seen all year. It was like Hamlet meets Herman’s Head meets batshit crazy R. Kelly. Too bad it had to end with an ampitheatre of people cheering a guy for choosing the type of spur-of-the-moment hetero action that makes conservative types believe in “conversion therapy.”

9:42: After seeing Diddy conduct his way through a couple of decade-old Biggie numbers with an orchestra (after already doing the orchestra thing on VMAs like seven years ago), I could only think one thing: Why couldn’t they get Bam Margera to host this?

10:59: Good work, Diddy, on not defusing the Fat Joe/Fitty on-stage tantrums. It’s OK. I mean, you’ve never had experience with people beefing at awards shows. Nothing bad could possibly come of this.

11:20:
I can't believe I missed A Pug's Life: The Dog-umentary for this.

Also, check out this adorable pug blog and forget the last three hours happened.