six reasons my cmj was better'n yrs!

[Fun fact: this post was banned from the CMJ blog for being too "biting."]

I am the worst music editor in the world.

I know how to take out a serial comma and add a news hook and all that jive, but my unhip, insular tastes seem to be limited to an audience of myself. The blogerati packed all the cool shows, all of which I willingly allowed to escaped my radar. Lady Sovereign? Missed her. Clap Your Hands And Say Yeah? Them too. Arcade Fire and David Bowie? Hopefully they did “Dancing In The Street” and everyone had a Friendster group grope.

My night was spread among as many sparse-to-moderately attended shows as my dressed-to-unimpress ass could run to on a Friday night. I spent seven minutes in the Spin Lounge, feeling like the fat kid in gym class, while the DJ spun the song from Ghostbusters II. I got turned away at the door to the Vice Party. The door guy looked at my shorts and my X Wild Gift T-shirt and dismissed me with, “Sorry, sir, but this is a private event.”

Assuredly my CMJ was far superior to his, even though I didn’t witness a single minute of music that wouldn’t have a Vice or Arthur staffer upchucking a spicy mix of PBR and vegan cupcakes all over the soundboard. My therapist says I revel in my outsider status to feel superior and level the playing field, but since the playing field in the blogosphere is as level as any, here’s my guide to the most fantastic Friday night of uncool music ever. And why I'm awesome.

8:00: Richard Buckner @ Rothko
What: Indie country troubadour who looks like a badass in his photos sometimes
Awesomely Uncool: He pulled out an e-bow in like three minutes flat.

8:20: Castanets @ Sin-e
What: Dreamy free-folk freaky folks from New York with gorgeous, gorgeous harmonies.
Awesomely Uncool: They could roll with Fursaxa and Six Organs if they weren’t quacking into a clarinet mouthpiece.

9:00: P.O.S. @ Irving Plaza
What: Hulking dude who raps like Sage Francis and sings like Daryl Palumbo.
Awesomely Uncool: Would be super-famous if the indie snobs would get over their quasi-ironic worship of Juelz Santana and Young Jeezy.

10:15: Yip-Yip @ Lit
What: Wiry Orlando spazmos dorking out on analog gear. Like the Locust with no bass, drums, guitars or vocals.
Awesomely Uncool: They wear costumes and like ska.

11:15: Subtitle @ Sin-e
What: Blunted glitch-hop from six-foot tall L.A. motormouth
Awesomely Uncool: Dissed by RJD2 the night before. The Deadringster refused to let Sub borrow his direct input box at the Urb party. Get over yourself, dude, you’re named after a fucking robot!

12:30: Cryptopsy @ Don Hill’s
What: More Dillinger-than-Dillinger tech-metal complete with hair-whipping and Klingon skullets. The kids were too much in awe of their prowess to even mosh. Watching the drummer was like watching a John Holmes movie—uncomfortable, funny, and jealously inducing.
Awesomely Uncool: Metal.


Blogger Makkada B. said...

Hi, I like your blog. Are you a music editor for a particular publication?

12:46 PM  
Blogger Christopher R. Weingarten said...

Thanks! Maybe I should update this thing more than once a year.

I'm the music editor at CMJ New Music Monthly and new to blogging...

For example, should I be posting the response to your question on my own blog or on your blog?

7:18 PM  
Blogger Makkada B. said...

Hi Christopher,

Well, it really doesn't matter, but usually you respond on the blog you get the inquiry on. I got your message on my blog about P.O.S Thanks. And I always trackback onto blogs I make posts on to see if author responds to my post

I've actually seen you post other places too and liked your comments and i guess that's how i made it to your blog.

And I just noticed your name on an article in this month's Spin which, I just happened to pick up yesterday (every once in a while I buy Spin).

Is the CMJ new music monthly related to the New York music festival? I'm going to follow the links to your articles and check them out.

10:32 PM  
Blogger Makkada B. said...

yeah,Christopher i just checked out your magazine. Nice and alternative. If you would like another freelance writer I'm completely down (there are links to a few articles/reviews i've written on my blog) Send me your email if you're interested (Shameless plug).

I just saw cmj's list of new releases...i can't believe digable planets came out with new cd so fast. They were just in Miami (where I live) in March, and saying they had no clue when their album was dropping---and it didn't even seem like they had any new material. They must have had a burst of inspiration. It's cool they're on Blue Note. Cool like That.

11:12 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

1. you NEED TO read the Ben Marcus article in the October issue of Harper's.

2. just because we don't like the popular music doesn't mean we're not cool. i think we're cooler. read the Ben Marcus article. The Arcade Fire are the musical equivilent of Dave Eggers. a lot of people like Eggers. Me, I like Ben Marcus.

3. fiuck Vice, man. they're so "we love the 00s."

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